Jewish Life #27. Beresjiet serie. Chayei Sarah; merging childhood and adulthood

Chayei Sarah is the fifth parashah of Bereshit (Genesis). Sarah dies at age of 127 and is buried in the Machpelah Cave in Hebron, which Abraham purchased from Ephron the Hittite for four hundred shekels of silver.[1] Abraham’s servant Eliezer is sent to Charan to find a wife for Isaac. Eliezer therefore sought a woman for Isaac who would display benevolence and kindness. When Rebecca went beyond fulfilling Eliezer’s specific request by offering also water to his camels, he understood that she was a fitting match for the son of Abraham. Rebecca marries Isaac and became as the second matriarch the successor of Sarah. Abraham takes a new wife, Keturah, and fathers six additional children, but Isaac is designated as his heir. Abraham dies at the fulfilled old age of 175, and is buried beside Sarah in the Machpelah Cave. Parashah Chayei Sarah concludes with a chronicle of the descendants of Ismael and his lifespan. 
 
According to Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik, the content of the current parashah contrasts with the previous parashah Vayera, which is characterized by great events and tension. It is a parashah of great stories, deep valleys and high peaks. Abraham's war against the four kings turned out to be an international affair. We read about the Akedah, the story of the sacrifice of Isaac and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. In contrast to Vayera, parashah Chayai Sarah breathes peace and relaxation. It describes Sarah's burial, the meeting of Eliezer with Rebecca and subsequently the marriage of Rebecca with Isaac and the last phase of Abraham's life.
 
In this Blog we will highlight the first pasuk [sentence] in parashah Chayei Sarah 23:1. We read: ‘And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years; the years of Sarah of the life of Sarah.’ 
Literally we read: ‘the lives of Sarah were’. The Hebrew word for ‘life’, chayim, always comes in the plural form, similar to the word for ‘water’, mayim. For just as water is fluid and constantly changing, so that one speaks not of a singular water but always of many particles flowing in succession, so is the human being for as long as they live. 
The word ‘years’ is repeated with each sum. Why the Sages asked? Rashi and others argue that we should interpret each number individually. At the age of one hundred years Sarah was free of sins as at the age of twenty, and at the age of twenty she was as beautiful as at age seven. The verse then concludes, ‘the years of the life of Sarah’ – all were equal in goodness. 
According to Rabbi Hirsch, these three ages represent three periods in the development of a human life: childhood, mature youth, and fulfilled old age. The periods correspondents roughly to the insights of modern developmental psychology. One who truly lives, Hirsch says, takes the crowning specialty of each age into the next period. Hence the expression, ‘coming in days’ – one’s past days are not spent and done with; rather, one takes along all their spiritual and moral acquisitions. Sarah took her beauty of childhood with her into her womanhood, and the innocence of the twenty-year-old girl into her old age.  
The Rebbe comments also on ‘the years of the life of Sarah -all were equal in goodness. According to the Rebbe, this doesn’t mean that life is static. In contrast, life is dynamic. The truly righteous do not suffice with a static goodness, but constantly strive for higher and yet higher levels of perfection. Perpetual growth is not a contradiction to a perfect life; indeed, perpetual growth creates a perfect life, by retroactively redefining the significance of yesterday’s shortcomings. Sarah attained new heights each day of her life. But each day also raised all the days that came before it to its own level, as the inferiority of those previous days, the Rebbe concludes, became the driving force of the new day’s perfection.[2] This comment aligns perfectly to the modern insights in clinical psychology on the topic of resilience, in which narrative reconstruction is key. People who are able to retroactively redefine their past life, are people who are more resilient than people who aren’t able to reconstruct. They remain stuck in their past and are unable to learn or grow, which results in a lack of resilience.
 
If we take a closer look at the three life stages of childhood, adulthood and old age, we can say that childhood is a time of learning, development and a certain degree of innocence. Curiosity is a primary driver of development. Through trial and error, children learn who they are, how to deal with others and what their place in the world could be. It is the life stage of receptivity, in which children learn to feel sufficiently safe, comfortable and connected. The adult stage is characterized by further growth and settling into relationships, family life, work and (in general) a meaningful life. Young adults live by their ideals. When more mature, it is precisely the ability to contribute to a better world (the creativity of a person) that brings satisfaction and joy. What one has learned is passed on to the next generation. For many people, the old age stage is a stage of calmness, maturity, realism and wisdom, although according to Rabbi Soloveitchik: ‘the idealism of youth quite often shines through the eyes of the graybeard. In fact, great people are sometimes great children. They are rich and multitalented because of their age; they are beautiful because of their honesty and sincerity.’[3]
In old age, a person is given the time to undertake meaningful activities, those that touch the heart. It is precisely in this phase of life that one passes on the good to the next generations. 
 
Rabbi Soloveitchik comments on these three phases of life in a special way using parashah Chayei Sarah. According to the Rav, Sarah combined elements of all three phases. She exhibited the wisdom of an elder by setting standards in her home and establishing its ethos. She showed vitality of a young adult in defying the surrounding society and pursuing her ideals. Even in her twilight years she retained juvenile curiosity and sincerity. The flower of her youth never faded.[4] At twenty she was mature and fully developed both intellectually and emotionally; she was energetic, bold and daring. Yet the adult in Sarah did not destroy the child. There always lived within her an innocent and receptive child. Sarah, like Abraham, merged together; they were old and young at the same time. The Talmud, in Bava Kamma 97b, says: ‘the coin issued by Abraham had the images of an old man and woman on one side, and the images of a young boy and girl on the other side.’
 
According to the Rav [Soloveitchik], the ability to experience childhood, youth, and old age concurrently is a sign of the covenantal community. Within this type of society, religious life is characterized by three fundamentals that give life content, color and meaning: Talmud Torah, prayer, and emunah, faith. A zaken, an old person, is considered wise, because he has more opportunities and hours to spend in the tent of Torah. This is why, in Jewish life, we equate zaken with chacham, age with wisdom. Maturity is important for the study of Torah, for an immature mind cannot study, cannot analyze, cannot infer. As far as for talmud Torah, the mature adult, the trained mind, is the ideal person.[5]
But, according to the Rav, the scene changes completely when we turn to prayer and faith. In prayer we pour our hearts before Hashem. The adult, the proud mind, the independent thinker does not know the art of prayer (tefillah), for tefillah demands self-negation and surrender to one’s pride and self-confidence, to put aside any awareness of greatness, freedom, and independence. Prayer is for those who are capable of complete trust. Like a young child, trust in the Holy One. 
The same goes for faith, emunah. Faith requires complete surrender, both of one’s body and mind. A person has to suspends his judgments, to act even though we do not understand why we are acting in a certain way. Faith requires a childlike attitude, which enables a person to take what is called ‘a leap of faith.’ 
Talmud Torah requires adulthood; prayer and faith require childhood. We must, like Sarah (and Abraham) be ready for both, capable of assuming the identity either of a child or an adult. 
 
In sum: adulthood does not mean the negation of childhood. On the contrary!
  
 
[1] In those days, silver was of more value than gold. Four hundred shekels was a lot of money, but Abraham insisted to pay the full price for the burial plot. There are three places regarding which the nations of the world cannot accuse Israel and say, ‘You have stolen them.’ These are: The Cave of Machpelah in Hebron, the Temple Mount in Jerusalem (Chronicles 1:21:25), and the tomb of Joseph at Shechem (Bereshit 33:19). 
[2] Commentary of Rabbi Hirsch and the Rebbe in: The Book of Genesis, compiled by Rabbi Y. Tauber. Open Book Press (pp. 242-243)
[3] Rabbi J.B. Soloveitchik, Chumash, the Neuwirth Edition. OUPress (p.158).
[4] Idem, pp. 158-159. 
[5] This does not mean that the saying 'what you learn as a youngster, you'll do when you're older' does not apply here. Learning Torah at a young age is a core value in Judaism. 

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